Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Where have I been?

I haven't blogged in quite a while now, and I'm wanting to write again but wary at the same time. There have been a few momentous occasions in our life this year as a family, one being the impending arrival of baby number three - wahoo - in November this year.
I think perhaps when you have more than one child, and that child isn't a perfect angel like our first one was (she just made it seem like parenting was the easiest thing ever!), that perhaps you will naturally feel a little trepidation at the thought of adding another small person to the chaos. But that doesn't lessen my gratitude or happiness, as a third baby was a deep-felt heart wish of mine, and I've been granted it. Thank you, Jesus.
Things are going fine, and I'm just finding that I'm in a space right now where I really don't want to spend the next 7 months talking about having a baby. Sorry about that, everyone. So I've been vacant on facebook, and quiet on here, because I'm just sorting out in my head what I do want to talk about, and write about, and how this all works now. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with cataloging your year and how things all go, in fact that's beautiful - what a lovely thing to look back on one day - but for me, right now, it's not where I'm at. I've been trying to work this all out in my head, and I've come to a few conclusions, none of which are meant to offend or upset anyone or make anyone have to agree with me or do what I do - this just where I am at in my life and what is going to work for me, to keep me healthy and safe and happy.
  1. True friendship is more than just clicking the "like" button.
    I find myself hungry for face-to-face-ness. I enjoy facebook and twitter usually, have found some incredibly inspirational things on these sites, made new and stronger friendships, had funny conversations etcetera, etcetera. But to be honest, I've also lost friends from this side of life. People who aren't online tend to get forgotten or left out; we see sides of people sometimes that aren't that nice; and when others use those sites as a diary or journal of their pain, it is incredibly hard for an ENFP/Pastoral person like me to disconnect from that and not worry and wonder about what I should do, what do they want, what did they mean by that? Now that I know, is it my responsibility to act? But they told 400 other people too, so maybe it's not my problem... Hello, emotional turmoil. Add pregnancy hormones to this and online is just not a nice place to live my life. I'm trying to come up with positive solutions though, especially for staying in touch with special friends from out of town. I may start using this blog more, and using it differently, so that people who are interested can engage but those who aren't don't need to read it. Watch this space.
  2. I'm more than just a pregnant woman.

    I don't want to alienate anyone, especially not those who I love and care about. Not everyone is lucky enough to have babies, or even be married (though this isn't for everyone and I'm not suggesting that those two things complete your life), and I just want to make sure that I write (or type) with intention, letting people know things of general interest or amusement, but not overloading anyone with too many details of what might be great for me but a cause of heartbreak for someone else. Perhaps pregnancy hormones make you paranoid too, but regardless - that's why I'm writing less. If you'd like to know how I'm going, feel free to pop over! I also have a huge variety of things I love and am passionate about and busy with, and the less time I spend online the more time I have for doing those things and also resting. I want to move forward in who I am, and it doesn't always help me to hear too many people's opinions about what I should or shouldn't do. It's good to care, but caring is more than typing words. Caring for me, is being in one anothers lives, in their homes, and getting to know them for real. And it's respecting each others limits. I have great friends, this isn't a dig at anyone, it's a reminder for me also and it's me putting in boundaries in my life (yes, I'm attempting to read the book for the second time!)
  3. What is in your life that breeds dissatisfaction?

    Sarah Bessey wrote a cool post recently about Pinterest, one of my most favorite things online to do, and it was a timely reminder to me to be careful about where we extend our energy. Pinterest is an online pin board, where you have different categories, or "Boards", like Style, My home, Kids, Clothes I love. Then when you're browsing the internet you can "Pin" things to these boards, so that they're all in the one place and you can refer to them later. I adore it. I have found so many things I love there. But Sarah made a great point, well many great points actually: "Whether it’s through fashion or art, technological gadgets, music, books, paint colours, vintage furniture, homeschool hacks, craft and so on, we think that if we have it, we are buying or pinning the lifestyle that it represents, the lifestyle that I wish was mine, the person I wish that I was." I need to be extra careful when I'm in times of pressure or stress, or even just change, in my life, not to withdraw to the point that I live one life inside my head - a life where those pressures and stresses don't exist because x,y and z are different - and another life in reality, where I'm spending so much time either online or daydreaming or moping and in the meantime I'm missing out, I'm missing the moments with the people I desperately love and wouldn't trade in one second, not one, not ever. Seeing comments on facebook between husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends, seeing social events I didn't go to, seeing weight loss updates or any other manner of innocent things can breed a dissatisfaction and "what about me?" mentality which is unnecessary and unhealthy. I read a great book called "One thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp last year, where she kept a gratitude diary of 1000 things she was grateful for in her life, and how that changed her perspective. It's a beautiful book and a beautiful idea, and something that I think would be far healthier to put energy into. Spending time looking around my real life, noting the gifts I'm being given in every minute, is something that could be so great to do, especially because I do have an amazing life that I am so grateful for. I'm trying to be very intentional about what I look at and what I read, and hopefully writing this post will reinforce that in me - now that I've said it, I have to do it, if you know what I mean. We live in a world where everything everyone does is at our fingertips - friends, strangers and celebrities alike - but what are our off-screen lives like? It's amazing how free I can feel when I unplug. I see the moments I could have missed with my children, with my husband, I read books and get outside and pray more. So I'm working out good ways to do this while still staying connected to the parts of life which do function well online - like events and encouragement, news that needs to be spread, inspiring articles to read and issues to talk about. This is just for me, for this season, if it inspires you that's really cool but please don't take it on board as me disapproving of online social media because it is like anything, not good or bad in itself but can become either depending on how it's used.

    That's my ten cents, for what it's worth. Hopefully I'll write more, shorter posts, from now on and this blog will start to find it's feet and have more of an identity. Or who knows, I might hardly write at all. I just need to stay true to myself and be there for my family, and anything extra to that at the moment is just a bonus.
    Lots of love to you all!
    Sarah xx

1 comment:

  1. Oh I love this post Sarah!! In complete agreement. Finding the balance is key to everything :) xoxox Blessings!