Harmony and Peace-making

Anyone who says they automatically get on with everyone is lying.
None of us, even the most kind and loving nun-like people out there, will find it easy to "like" everyone we meet. Most of the time we're going to clash, aren't we.
And then there are the times that things just turn sour. A friendship goes bad, a relationship breaks up, words get spoken, hurt occurs. Try liking that person. Not so easy. Then try forgiving them. Really hard.
I'm pondering all this stuff in relation to churches and christians and how on earth we are meant to be the light of the world when we look exactly like everybody else. If it were possible to stick hidden cameras inside the living rooms of all the christians and tape us for a week I bet we'd be pretty horrified. It makes me so sad.
Now, let me make it quite clear - I'm not bagging about my particular church. I looooovvvveee my church with all it's reality and imperfections, all of us together with our hurts and our joys and our dreams. This post isn't a finger pointing exercise. 
I'm not sitting here on a high horse pretending I'm perfect. But I am trying. And that's what I want for us as the church of God, the bride of Christ, His people, His children. To at least make an honest, heart-felt attempt at doing the stuff we're told to do in the word. Rather than perhaps exhausting our energy talking about everyone else we've decided has got it wrong.
I'm really sorry if this is a downer, that's not really my intention. If I could preach a sermon this week it'd be on peace-making. I remember reading in the last few months somewhere, that peace-making involves conflict, and confrontation. Sometimes to be a peacemaker is to disrupt the "peace". Especially if the peace is fake.
I've been trawling through the new testament tonight and there is verse, after verse, after verse telling us what we need to do as Christians, as the church. They are so beautiful. Such an incredibly amazing picture of the potential we have.
Here goes:

"I beg you to live a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together in peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

"May the Lord make your love grow and overflow to each other and to everyone else, just as our love overflows toward you." 1 Thessalonians 3:12

"I pray that your love for each other will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understanding." Phillippians 1:9

"Make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other , loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose." Phillippians 2: 2

"My goal is that they will be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love." Colossians 2:2

"You must make allowances for one anothers faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you , so you must forgive others. And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians 3:13-15

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness." James 3: 17&18

"So get rid of all malicious behaviour and deceit. Don't just pretend to be good! Be done with hypocrisy and jealousy and backstabbing" 1 Peter 2:1

"All of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you. instead pay them back with a blessing." 1 Peter 3:8&9

"If anyone says "I am living in the light," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness." 1 John 2:9

"If someone says "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar, for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen? And God himself has commanded that we must love not only him but our Christian brohters and sisters too". 1 John 4:20&21

"Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions." 1 John 3:18

"Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:9&10

"If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow.  Live in harmony with each other." Romans 12:14&15

"Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible." Romans 12:18

"Stop arguing among yourselves. Let there be real harmony so there won't be divisons in the church. I plead with you to be of one mind, united in thought and purpose". 1 Corinthians 1:10

"And everything you do must be done with love" 1 Corinthians 16:14

It's just heart-breakingly, breath-takingly, unbelievably beautiful. I want to be a part of that so much. A couple of years ago I had a revelation, sometimes it's not enough to just forgive. Sometimes you need to move beyond forgiveness into love. Is it easy? No. But when you trust God, when you know yourself held in his arms, loved unconditionally, and you know that he wants what is best for you... then he will give you the courage to risk it all and forgive, and forgive again. And as Joyce Meyer says, do it for yourself. Set yourself free. Let God be the judge, and quit trying to deal out the punishment on your own.
I ponder these things, and I feel a knot in my stomach, and I try to figure out how on earth we make this fit into our church boxes and our little Christian worlds...

God, change my heart, turn my world upside down, make us reflect You... in harmony, at peace, full of love. Amen.

A new favourite song:



xx Sarah

Friendship and Sisterhood

Today I shared at the mothers group I run at our church, called Flourish, about friendships. I wanted to post it here as well because this topic is weighing heavily on me at the moment. Not necessarily in a bad way, but perhaps because I need to be obedient and "go there" with a topic which others might find uncomfortable. And I feel pretty vulnerable doing so. So here goes! 

Generally as a rule I think friendships are often made around common interests or hobbies. This year has been interesting for me because my closest girlfriend moved to England. The closeness of our friendship is based around a number of factors: I’ve known her for the longest time out of my Wanganui friends – we met a year before we moved here and when we did move here we lived with them for 3 weeks before they bought their house, then we took their flat; our husbands had been casual friends for a good 5 years before that; we were a similar age and at the same stage in life – bought houses at the same time, had babies around the same time; and then the winning combination of a love of food and a love of books meant that it was easy for us to be close. And of course Karen loved to do nothing. I also love to do nothing. I have discovered that my closest friends over the years have also loved to do nothing. I’m a sit on the couch with a cup of tea, read a magazine, have a chat kind of girl. I find it easiest to be friends with people who are the same. Perhaps we sort of gravitate towards each other… a laziness sensor must go off or something! But in terms of friendship it was also a friendship built around the very deepest things. Karen had the courage to call me out at a time when I was hiding behind huge emotional brick walls. She was the only person to notice and the only person who cared enough to say something and because she did, and because I was touched by her thoughtfulness, and God helped me to choose to move forward rather than pull back, we had a very deep friendship based around the biggest secrets of our lives and the deepest spiritual discussions. 

Friendships like that are wonderful. But I don’t think we can expect to get that kind of friendship with anyone and everyone we know. Sometimes we just don’t click with people. Sometimes we have absolutely nothing in common and find we struggle to find anything to talk about. I do believe that when we feel this way however it's important to pray, to ask God to help us learn to love that person and to help us find common ground. But sometimes it’s just more surface than that – we are in a different time of life, a different circle of friends, we don’t live close or our age is vastly different. And this is where I want to talk about Sisterhood.
I don’t have any sisters, I have one brother and we weren’t close until our mid to late teens. So friends have always ended up sort of becoming family to me. My two best friends in high school had two sisters each and I loved being able to make myself at home in their homes and listen to them fight and scrap and feel their hurts and celebrate their joys.
And I think that actually for us as women, especially Christian women, we need Sisters even more than we might need friends.
When I look around just my own church I see a lot of very different yet very beautiful women, all with strengths and stories, and I think, Wow, the things we could do if we would UNITE. There is a quote I read online a while ago but I couldn’t find again, that said something like that if women would unite together towards a cause, Sisterhood would be the most powerful force to shake the earth – and I agree. I know that at a conference recently that some church friends went to (called EquipHer), Lisa Bevere spoke and said that “men compare to spur eachother on, women compare to bring each other down”. And to be honest, I’m getting tired of it. I don’t want to in any way minimise anyones hurt or make light of any issues that exist for anyone at all. But I do think there comes a point in our lives where we need to decide to stop looking sideways and instead look straight ahead.

What I mean by that is this: too often I have been paralysed from doing anything helpful or constructive because I have been insecure and paranoid about what other people think of me – mainly, other women. And I have been listening to a lot of Joyce Meyer's podcasts this year, and have been struck by how often she talks about unforgiveness and grudge holding. The point she makes that when we don’t forgive we only hurt ourselves. More often than not the other person is perfectly fine. We are the ones that are miserable and angry and torn up inside. When we forgive we do it for ourselves, we do it so we can move on, so we can be free.
So I’m making some definitions of a Sister that I think we can learn from in our relationships with eachother. The girls laughed at me this morning - we decided that perhaps this is my concoction of a fantasy ideal of what a sister is, combined with my observations of actual sisters, and my thoughts on what it is to be a spiritual sister.

• If your sister is broke you lend her money if you’ve got it. You cook her meals. You help her out. You let her move in (even if it’s reluctantly).
• A sister might have stolen your boyfriend/clothes/barbie 10 or 20 years ago but you didn’t stop talking to her for her life – you had a big row then you got over it because she’s your sister and you love her.
• A sister is the one you call when you really feel like life is falling apart. You know you can trust her not to report you to the authorities or to tell anyone else.
• A sister will celebrate with you when you succeed, will feel your highs like they’re her own.
• When you ask your sister to pray for you she will, and she will check in again the next day to see how you are.
• You can not see your sister for weeks but when you do again it’s like nothings changed.
• You care if someone hurts your sister, Most of the time you want to hurt them back.
• Other people know NEVER to bad-mouth your sister in front of you, because she is your sister and you will defend her whether she is in the right or not.
• When you hear a rumour about your sister you don’t believe it, you ask her first, or you don’t bother because you know your sister.
• You don’t share your sisters news and feelings with other people because she is your sister and you trust each other.
• When you are hurt your sister is hurt. When you are happy your sister is happy. When you are nervous your sister is nervous for you. 
• Your relationship with your sister may not be perfect. You may not agree with all her choices, her hairstyle, her outfits, or her friends – but when she needs you, you’re there, and she for you.   

We aren’t all going to be best friends. But I believe we need to be sisters. Today in writing this I'm trying to encourage you. Let's find a group of women who we are in community with - be it at a church, a mothers group, in your neighbourhood and start the Sisterhood journey. I'm saying to the beautiful women in my church: I care for you all, I’m here for you, I will pray for you if you ask. It doesn’t matter if we don’t spend a lot of time together, you can know that I will still be your sister. I think that it’s time to speak truth, to put down our defenses, to choose to never speak ill of one another or to tolerate it in others. If there’s deep grievances or issues between us and our girlfriends let’s start the journey towards healing those, for our own sake as much as anyone elses. I need sisters. I need people I can trust. I need companionship. I need help sometimes. 

If women unite, we will be an unstoppable force, and it can start small: in one mothers group, one neighbourhood, one church.

I know I may have stirred up some uncomfortable things today and I'm not asking you to necessarily agree with me on it all, but I do ask you to think on it and to pray on it. For too long women have been known to be petty, cruel and malicious. It’s time to turn that around. We are nurturers, mothers, life givers, servers, encouragers and inspirers (yes I’m making up a word!) We are sisters. Let’s start today. I’m choosing to and I hope that you will choose with me.

xx Sarah

Note: These thoughts are inspired by Idelette and SheLovesMagazine.com and their amazing manifesto.