Looking for God in all the wrong places...

I just wrote a comment on Twitter that went like this: "Revelation of the night: God is not on Twitter. If it's God you need, and it always is, you won't find him on social media. Switch off".
When we are lonely and searching it seems that we take those emotions and searchings out to our 21st century version of the journal, to all of our 279 "friends" on facebook, and our Twitter followers, and all of their friends and followers. It's an insane way to live but it is so tempting. It's the equivalent of dangling the fishing line in the water, just to see what's there. I think we're always hoping that we'll get some amazing comment or connection, some incredibly deep and compassionate person will respond to us and we'll all of a sudden realise that No, I am not Alone In The World.
It's a big lie and a big trap because 99 times out of 100 no one responds, and our inner insecurities that say "No one cares" are confirmed, and for all of our social-media-fishing-line-cast-outs we end up feeling a whole heap more terrible than when we started out.
When we are in that place it is Jesus Christ that we need. He alone can fill the gaping hole in our hearts. If you think that being married does it, or having a "bestie" does it, or a great church, or parents living around the corner... well you're wrong. Loneliness is a snake that bites in any situation and the only cure for it is found in the arms of God.
I think of the Psalms and remind myself of how many times the writers cried out to God, "Why have you abandoned me?" Our emotions matter and they are real and sometimes it does feel like you have no one. But we do have God. He never leaves, he never fails, he is real and constant and he can be trusted more than our fickle feelings can.
If you're in that place of alone tonight, just know that you're not alone, and that it will pass. I write it for myself, in a season of blessing and of growing another life inside me, and yet it is in these seasons that I always feel the most isolated and the most lonely. This time I choose to fight my feelings and attempt to take it to God, and I will trust him with the next five and a half months and pray that it goes by quickly.
So perhaps it's naive of me to write a post like this, having begun by saying not to take your pain to social media, and yet here I am voicing it... but it's real for where I'm at and it may be my story for the rest of the year. God is here with me and I'll testify to it even when it hurts. At times like this there is nothing that a person could do for me, it is all up to God. Remember to pray for your friends, lift each other up and cover each other, because it is the Lord that we need and it is he that will bring healing and change our hearts.
Cyber hugs and love and prayers to all of you.
Sarah xx

Thoughts on this day, Mothers day

Today it's Mother's day, and I thought I'd write a wee something, in the honour of trying to write shorter posts more often :)
A rough start today, with hubby out insane-early to church and me having my first ever Sunday on Kids this morning (what an eye-opener), with lots of things to remember to bring and organise. Add to that a small boy who decided it was fun to use his snuggly lamb toy as a whip on his sister, and said sister walloping him back - all while I was trying to type out PowerPoint song lyrics on the kids computer - and I was exhausted before I even arrived!
But after church and after a meltdown my husband gave me this:

Oh yes. Not just 4 pieces either, which still would have been great, but heaps of pieces. And no, I'm not sharing. Well, I will share it with him since he paid for it but not with anyone else!  (And he didn't go out and buy it after I had a meltdown, he'd already got it. Plus a hand-made card from my kids. Organised husband, I salute you.)

Mothers day isn't a nice day for everybody. I think of friends who lost their mums well before they should have. I think of relationship breakdowns. I think of the kids today in church who didn't come with a mum, either because she's not around or she isn't the one bringing them to church. I loved Lisa-Jo's post "For the Motherless daughter", she says anything far better than I can and she gets it. I don't think you'd ever understand what it was like to not have a mother unless you didn't have one.

Some memories of my mum from my childhood are around various creative activities, though she probably wouldn't call herself overly creative in an arty sense. I'm grateful she nurtured that in us. School holidays surrounded by Lego villages. One set of holidays where I was obsessed with making clowns - ping pong ball heads, fabric bodies, funny colours. Her teaching me cross stitch, and how to use the sewing machine. As a child, watching her (probably nagging her, more likely), as she sewed us our tracksuits - very trendy in the 80's I have to say - and then getting to go to the shopping mall with her and choose a print from the fancy place where they put a picture on the front of your sweatshirt. The one I remember most was a Persian cat, hideous pastel coloured flowery thing that I adored. Pale pink tracksuit. White blonde bob haircut... you get the picture.

Mum introduced me to my favourite author, Madeleine L'engle. She managed to navigate choosing books for me in my pre-teen years which I just loved, which could have gone very wrong. The Little house series, Anne of Green Gables, Frank Peretti's Cooper Kids adventure books. My most favourite book was the first one she bought me of Madeleine L'engles, called "A ring of endless light". Actually the third book in a series about Vicky Austin and her family. Vicky is the middle child, a poet, misunderstood and hiding in the shadow of her blonde, outgoing younger sister. She explores identity and death and doesn't shy away from issues that sometimes people wouldn't want to discuss with kids that age. As I went into my teens my Grandmother became the one who introduced authors to me. Kate Atkinson's "Behind the scenes at the museum" was the beginning. I loved Carol Sheilds, another introduction from her. A doorway into a new world, grown-up and beautifully written. I haven't had the concentration to stick at books like those for years now, but on my Grandma's 87th birthday this year I bought her "Walking on Water" by Madeleine L'engle, and it is special to be able to reciprocate those moments of book-sharing, and of not knowing you loved something until it landed in your hands and you turned the pages. My Grandma also reads every Jane Austen book, every year, and I haven't done that in years but would love to follow her example once life allows for sitting with a book with long paragraphs and older language again. At the moment life allows for re-reading of extremely easy books, in between breaking up squabbles between small children.

Happy Mothers day, everyone. Whether you are one, or have one, or you don't, I hope you enjoy celebrating today those around you who bring life into the world - for that is indeed the most significant thing about a mother, and something that's gifted not only those of us who have gone through labour and childbirth. Women have in them the inherent characteristics of the creator, and he granted us that gift, the gift of giving life, of creation, of bringing life into the world. We can do this with our words, our friendships, our personality's, and our homes. May you all feel blessed and noticed today, beautiful life-giving women.

Sarah xx

Gratitude #1-17

In my last post I mentioned a book called "One thousand gifts" by Ann Voskamp. "Dare to live fully right where you are". It's a beautiful book, very poetic, and I recommend it.
I'm feeling a bit of anxiety over some of the things I wrote yesterday, and while I'm not sure deleting the whole thing is right, because most of it is where I'm at, I also am not sure that it had love through it... or that I spent the time required to make sure that it had love in it.
I am so appreciative and grateful for so many things and instead of writing an apology (though I will always be sorry to cause hurt if that happened) or big explanation, or instead of just taking back everything that I wrote, I thought I'd start my online gratitude journal instead and just try to put yesterday aside and say today is a new day.
From the book, Ann writes about how she started her list:

"It was a dare, like a love dare of sorts, and I take it one clear November morning... It is the beginning of list season. Lists of holiday menus, lists of handmade projects, lists of have-to-buys. They're scattered and stacked across the counter, around my desk, when a friends dashed-off digital line blinks up on my screen. She dares me, and I don't even blink. Could I write a list of a thousand things I love? I read her line again. As in, begin another list? To name one thousand blessings - one thousand gifts - is that what she means?... A list not of gifts I want but gifts I already have."

1. Little girl with unbrushed hair in pink pyjamas
2. New paint on the front of my house
3. A soft mattress and warm covers
4. Fresh, clean outside air
5. Being greeted in the morning with a "So beautiful!" from my daughter
6. Baby flutterings in tummy
7. Old friendships renewed and started again
8. Forgiving and gracious friends
9. Grandparents to take children to the park
10. Ideas for handmade dolls houses
11. Birthday month for my loved ones coming up
12. Re-reading much loved books
13. Two children hugging each other goodnight
14. Dinners cooked for me this week
15. My God always there to listen and comfort and guide
16. Loving friends concern and gentle questions
17. People visiting who have more patience than me

Thanks for being in my life!
xx Sarah

Where have I been?

I haven't blogged in quite a while now, and I'm wanting to write again but wary at the same time. There have been a few momentous occasions in our life this year as a family, one being the impending arrival of baby number three - wahoo - in November this year.
YAY!
I think perhaps when you have more than one child, and that child isn't a perfect angel like our first one was (she just made it seem like parenting was the easiest thing ever!), that perhaps you will naturally feel a little trepidation at the thought of adding another small person to the chaos. But that doesn't lessen my gratitude or happiness, as a third baby was a deep-felt heart wish of mine, and I've been granted it. Thank you, Jesus.
Things are going fine, and I'm just finding that I'm in a space right now where I really don't want to spend the next 7 months talking about having a baby. Sorry about that, everyone. So I've been vacant on facebook, and quiet on here, because I'm just sorting out in my head what I do want to talk about, and write about, and how this all works now. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with cataloging your year and how things all go, in fact that's beautiful - what a lovely thing to look back on one day - but for me, right now, it's not where I'm at. I've been trying to work this all out in my head, and I've come to a few conclusions, none of which are meant to offend or upset anyone or make anyone have to agree with me or do what I do - this just where I am at in my life and what is going to work for me, to keep me healthy and safe and happy.

1. True friendship is more than just clicking the "like" button.
   I find myself hungry for face-to-face-ness. I enjoy facebook and twitter usually, have found some incredibly inspirational things on these sites, made new and stronger friendships, had funny conversations etcetera, etcetera. But to be honest, I've also lost friends from this side of life. People who aren't online tend to get forgotten or left out; we see sides of people sometimes that aren't that nice; and when others use those sites as a diary or journal of their pain, it is incredibly hard for an ENFP/Pastoral person like me to disconnect from that and not worry and wonder about what I should do, what do they want, what did they mean by that? Now that I know, is it my responsibility to act? But they told 400 other people too, so maybe it's not my problem... Hello, emotional turmoil. Add pregnancy hormones to this and online is just not a nice place to live my life. I'm trying to come up with positive solutions though, especially for staying in touch with special friends from out of town. I may start using this blog more, and using it differently, so that people who are interested can engage but those who aren't don't need to read it. Watch this space.
   
2. I'm more than just a pregnant woman.
   
   I don't want to alienate anyone, especially not those who I love and care about. Not everyone is lucky enough to have babies, or even be married (though this isn't for everyone and I'm not suggesting that those two things complete your life), and I just want to make sure that I write (or type) with intention, letting people know things of general interest or amusement, but not overloading anyone with too many details of what might be great for me but a cause of heartbreak for someone else. Perhaps pregnancy hormones make you paranoid too, but regardless - that's why I'm writing less. If you'd like to know how I'm going, feel free to pop over! I also have a huge variety of things I love and am passionate about and busy with, and the less time I spend online the more time I have for doing those things and also resting. I want to move forward in who I am, and it doesn't always help me to hear too many people's opinions about what I should or shouldn't do. It's good to care, but caring is more than typing words. Caring for me, is being in one anothers lives, in their homes, and getting to know them for real. And it's respecting each others limits. I have great friends, this isn't a dig at anyone, it's a reminder for me also and it's me putting in boundaries in my life (yes, I'm attempting to read the book for the second time!)
   
3. What is in your life that breeds dissatisfaction?
   
   Sarah Bessey wrote a cool post recently about Pinterest, one of my most favorite things online to do, and it was a timely reminder to me to be careful about where we extend our energy. Pinterest is an online pin board, where you have different categories, or "Boards", like Style, My home, Kids, Clothes I love. Then when you're browsing the internet you can "Pin" things to these boards, so that they're all in the one place and you can refer to them later. I adore it. I have found so many things I love there. But Sarah made a great point, well many great points actually: "Whether it’s through fashion or art, technological gadgets, music, books, paint colours, vintage furniture, homeschool hacks, craft and so on, we think that if we have it, we are buying or pinning the lifestyle that it represents, the lifestyle that I wish was mine, the person I wish that I was." I need to be extra careful when I'm in times of pressure or stress, or even just change, in my life, not to withdraw to the point that I live one life inside my head - a life where those pressures and stresses don't exist because x,y and z are different - and another life in reality, where I'm spending so much time either online or daydreaming or moping and in the meantime I'm missing out, I'm missing the moments with the people I desperately love and wouldn't trade in one second, not one, not ever. Seeing comments on facebook between husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends, seeing social events I didn't go to, seeing weight loss updates or any other manner of innocent things can breed a dissatisfaction and "what about me?" mentality which is unnecessary and unhealthy. I read a great book called "One thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp last year, where she kept a gratitude diary of 1000 things she was grateful for in her life, and how that changed her perspective. It's a beautiful book and a beautiful idea, and something that I think would be far healthier to put energy into. Spending time looking around my real life, noting the gifts I'm being given in every minute, is something that could be so great to do, especially because I do have an amazing life that I am so grateful for. I'm trying to be very intentional about what I look at and what I read, and hopefully writing this post will reinforce that in me - now that I've said it, I have to do it, if you know what I mean. We live in a world where everything everyone does is at our fingertips - friends, strangers and celebrities alike - but what are our off-screen lives like? It's amazing how free I can feel when I unplug. I see the moments I could have missed with my children, with my husband, I read books and get outside and pray more. So I'm working out good ways to do this while still staying connected to the parts of life which do function well online - like events and encouragement, news that needs to be spread, inspiring articles to read and issues to talk about. This is just for me, for this season, if it inspires you that's really cool but please don't take it on board as me disapproving of online social media because it is like anything, not good or bad in itself but can become either depending on how it's used.
   
   That's my ten cents, for what it's worth. Hopefully I'll write more, shorter posts, from now on and this blog will start to find it's feet and have more of an identity. Or who knows, I might hardly write at all. I just need to stay true to myself and be there for my family, and anything extra to that at the moment is just a bonus.
   Lots of love to you all!
   Sarah xx
   

A rant about teen girls mags and Bella

So this is the latest "Girlfriend" magazine, with Lea Michele from Glee in her undies. Great, isn't it? Doesn't it just make you so happy? Especially when you know that Girlfriend's target audience is 12-17 year old girls.
I'm being sarcastic, in case you hadn't guessed it. I had to rent this from the library because I couldn't bear to pay money for it. I have got to say, what is up with this pose, as well?! You see it too often. Tina Francis from SheLovesMagazine wrote an awesome write up about this for her column, which I loved, where she uses the example of Beyonce: "Take Beyonce’s music video “Run the World” for example. Ms. Knowles is singing about female empowerment on all fours in front of a car... How does a woman living in today’s world define “dignity” when the media tells us we are most appreciated on our knees, half-dressed, preferably in front of an automobile."
And the thing that really bugs me is that these 12-17 year old girls are going to be posing just like Miss Lea Michele on their facebook pages and their cellphones, with no idea of the implications. The state of our world and the trashy messages our girls are sent just makes me feel sick to my stomach.
We accept so much of what we see in magazines, on screen, in music videos and on t shirts and in advertisements without question. How much of it is shaping our perceptions of ourselves? A lot, in my opinion. There are a lot of shows that I just can't watch more than 5 minutes of without feeling terrible about myself and angry at the world. All the Top Model shows, for example. (I know that many of you love them so won't agree.) Glee, is another one. Loved the singing, hated the content, hated how it made me feel, and just had to give it up.
I'm not sure what the makers of the standard teen girl mags are thinking when they produce some of this content. Perhaps they think they are giving girls what they want - that girls know all about sex anyway and are obsessed with getting boyfriends, therefore they need to cater to that with their content and the way they word the answers to their questions. Read the "advice" columns in these magazines, you'll get advice all right - a manual about sex. While they often tell girls that you shouldn't have sex until you are ready, they don't go into enough detail or enough of the WHY. There's no talk of emotional consequences, and the amount of information they give makes it seem like getting into a sexual relationship in your early and mid teens is so normal. Oh, and another cringe factor - one of the "guys we love" in this months issue is an actor from the tv show "The Almighty Johnsons", from the makers of Outrageous Fortune - a show with unbelievably explicit content. I think I might have to throw my television out the window when my girl turns 12. No, I say that flippantly - but I will be watching what she watches and talking about it with her.
Anyway. There is hope. Hope in the form of Bella magazine. Bella is produced in Australia by an amazing group of women from Toowomba, Queensland, and is an alternative to these other girls mags, aimed at 13-19 year old girls. We have the rights here in New Zealand to make our own version of it, and I'm excited for the day when that becomes a reality. Bella is not a Christian magazine, (though those of us who are behind it are Christians), it is something any girl will relate to. But it gives a much more balanced view of the issues and questions that girls have, and is all about helping girls realise their unique value, strength and purpose. With Bella we say that girls are valuable, are worthwhile, just because of who they are - just because they exist. Not because of anything they can do or offer a man, not because of their looks or their body, not if they meet a list of expectations: skinny enough, popular enough, well-dressed enough. Just.Because.You.Are.You.
I love this answer in the latest Bella when a girl writes about how she hates herself, and asks how she can keep her sense of value. "Every girl is beautiful! Bella believes that you are beautiful and we want you to believe you are beautiful, awesome, precious and have worth - not just some of the time but ALL of the time. If people are mean to you, then they are not your friends. You deserve better than that, and you don't need to allow people to be mean to you. It may seem like a hard thing to leave your group and meet some new friends, but if they mostly make you feel bad and hate yourself, then that is wrong of them. That is not how friends act. You don't need to be surrounded by a big group of people to realise how beautiful and amazing you are. Sometimes just one friend is all that is needed to realise the truth and to help you like yourself." (from Bella Summer 2011/2012)
We are just at the beginning of the journey with Bella, so please if you like what you hear then get involved. Find our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter, and buy a subscription!
There are many things in my life that I love and are passionate about at the moment, and Bella is one of them, so I felt I needed to write about it. I hope it's inspired someone.
And speaking of things that are inspiring me, I got given "Lioness Arising" by Lisa Bevere for my birthday, and I just loved this on the first page:

YES. YES. YES.
xx Sarah

Harmony and Peace-making

Anyone who says they automatically get on with everyone is lying.
None of us, even the most kind and loving nun-like people out there, will find it easy to "like" everyone we meet. Most of the time we're going to clash, aren't we.
And then there are the times that things just turn sour. A friendship goes bad, a relationship breaks up, words get spoken, hurt occurs. Try liking that person. Not so easy. Then try forgiving them. Really hard.
I'm pondering all this stuff in relation to churches and christians and how on earth we are meant to be the light of the world when we look exactly like everybody else. If it were possible to stick hidden cameras inside the living rooms of all the christians and tape us for a week I bet we'd be pretty horrified. It makes me so sad.
Now, let me make it quite clear - I'm not bagging about my particular church. I looooovvvveee my church with all it's reality and imperfections, all of us together with our hurts and our joys and our dreams. This post isn't a finger pointing exercise. 
I'm not sitting here on a high horse pretending I'm perfect. But I am trying. And that's what I want for us as the church of God, the bride of Christ, His people, His children. To at least make an honest, heart-felt attempt at doing the stuff we're told to do in the word. Rather than perhaps exhausting our energy talking about everyone else we've decided has got it wrong.
I'm really sorry if this is a downer, that's not really my intention. If I could preach a sermon this week it'd be on peace-making. I remember reading in the last few months somewhere, that peace-making involves conflict, and confrontation. Sometimes to be a peacemaker is to disrupt the "peace". Especially if the peace is fake.
I've been trawling through the new testament tonight and there is verse, after verse, after verse telling us what we need to do as Christians, as the church. They are so beautiful. Such an incredibly amazing picture of the potential we have.
Here goes:

"I beg you to live a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together in peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

"May the Lord make your love grow and overflow to each other and to everyone else, just as our love overflows toward you." 1 Thessalonians 3:12

"I pray that your love for each other will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understanding." Phillippians 1:9

"Make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other , loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose." Phillippians 2: 2

"My goal is that they will be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love." Colossians 2:2

"You must make allowances for one anothers faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you , so you must forgive others. And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians 3:13-15

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness." James 3: 17&18

"So get rid of all malicious behaviour and deceit. Don't just pretend to be good! Be done with hypocrisy and jealousy and backstabbing" 1 Peter 2:1

"All of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you. instead pay them back with a blessing." 1 Peter 3:8&9

"If anyone says "I am living in the light," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness." 1 John 2:9

"If someone says "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar, for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen? And God himself has commanded that we must love not only him but our Christian brohters and sisters too". 1 John 4:20&21

"Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions." 1 John 3:18

"Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:9&10

"If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow.  Live in harmony with each other." Romans 12:14&15

"Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible." Romans 12:18

"Stop arguing among yourselves. Let there be real harmony so there won't be divisons in the church. I plead with you to be of one mind, united in thought and purpose". 1 Corinthians 1:10

"And everything you do must be done with love" 1 Corinthians 16:14

It's just heart-breakingly, breath-takingly, unbelievably beautiful. I want to be a part of that so much. A couple of years ago I had a revelation, sometimes it's not enough to just forgive. Sometimes you need to move beyond forgiveness into love. Is it easy? No. But when you trust God, when you know yourself held in his arms, loved unconditionally, and you know that he wants what is best for you... then he will give you the courage to risk it all and forgive, and forgive again. And as Joyce Meyer says, do it for yourself. Set yourself free. Let God be the judge, and quit trying to deal out the punishment on your own.
I ponder these things, and I feel a knot in my stomach, and I try to figure out how on earth we make this fit into our church boxes and our little Christian worlds...

God, change my heart, turn my world upside down, make us reflect You... in harmony, at peace, full of love. Amen.

A new favourite song:



xx Sarah

Practices of Parenting: Speak out Love

Today I've chosen to join up with Sarah at Emerging Mummy and many other amazing people to write about one of my Practices of Parenting - something I do to help me enjoy parenting every day, right now. If you're into reading about parenting then click on the link above and read more of the amazing things people have to share.


This is dear to my heart, what I write to you today. These three words:

I love you

I don't claim to be the "perfect" parent. I don't claim to know a whole lot. I am learning as I go, as we all do. But I know that when I became a parent I had something I held dear to me, a vow inside my heart. It started just as the knowledge that I was growing something inside me, a combination of me and my husband, something that would become a real, live, person - so hard to imagine during those first 9 months. No child of mine will ever, ever, question my love for them.

So I say it, all the time. "I love you". Every day. Quite a few times a day. 

Those three words seem to hold a fair amount of controversy for some people. The theory that somehow a child or person can be "Spoilt" from too much love just doesn't ring true with me. The idea that somehow it can get a bit old, or tired, to hear "I love you" too much doesn't stick either - I would much, much rather be told it too much, and say it too much, than  to spend each day longing to hear those words, or not knowing how to get them out. That is sort of my background. An awkward feeling hearing "I love you", and an awkwardness in saying it. With my own children, I refuse to be awkward. From minute one, from moment one, from the womb onwards - through their childhoods, embarrassing teens, at their 21st speeches, weddings, births of their children - I will keep saying it. I love you. I'm proud of you. You are so, so special to me.

And I don't just reserve it for my kids. Some of my friends probably think I'm a bit weird, because I do tend to say I love you in texts, emails, conversations, fairly regularly. I don't say it lightly. I don't say it out of habit. I don't say it to just anybody. But I do make a choice daily to not be ashamed to speak out Love. I believe it makes a huge difference.

When my best friend's sister died eight years ago, I drove up with my future husband to the family home in Northland. And when I got out of the car, and my friend ran down the driveway, and I dropped my bags and ran to her - we just clung onto each other and all I can remember saying is "I love you, I love you, I love you, I'm so sorry, I love you" - and her saying it back, repeating it back to me. Since then, I speak out love. I won't wait for a tragedy. I won't wait for a wake-up call. I will continue to say it. So, if I say it to you - don't feel awkward. It's not romantic. It's not wishy washy. It's not to pressure you into a deeper friendship. It's just because you matter to me, and love matters to me, and, as Gandhi says, I want to "be the change you wish to see in the world". That's the change I wish to see. 

Love. Love. Love.

"Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that." (Ephesians 5:2, The Message)

xx Sarah